As most who will be checking the blog know, I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer on March 17, 2008. After a week in the hospital, it was determined that I had cancer in my left breast, lymph nodes, spine, liver and lungs. The treatment . . . a shit load of chemotherapy! My two-month scan results were promising. All tumor sites had been reduced and the "spots" on my lungs disappeared. I've had three more "rounds" (4 week cycle with 3 treatments, 1 per week) and am scheduled for my second set of scans the first week of August.
In addition dealing with the issues of diagnosis, treatment, and the emotional side effects of all of this, my insurance company decided to start an investigation as to whether or not I fully disclosed all known medical conditions when I applied for coverage. What does this really translate to -- they won't pay any of my medical bills until they prove to themselves that I didn't KNOW I had MBC when I was issued the policy. I couldn't even guess what the total $$ amount is so far, but we have on the tab 1) 7 days in the hospital (including 1 night in the ICU when they were pretty sure I was going to have a fatal cardiac episode due to the hyper-concentration of calcium in my system); 2) 5 months of chemo; and 3) numerous exams, scans, biological warfare drugs to boost my white and red blood cell counts, and lab tests.
I didn't spend the entire past four months in denial, but I would say about 75% of the time I refused to look in the mirror at my bald head. I also came to the realization that writing anything down and talking constantly about all of this made it real. That's why, dear friends, I have a hard time calling and responding to emails. Cancer is an awful thing. It consumes your life. It takes away all the things you use to do that made you who you are.
About 6 weeks ago, I started believing that there was indeed a reason to get out of bed. I taught myself how to knit. Started a vegetable garden. Researching King Henry VIII wives (The Hapsburg's are to follow). Working on wedding presents for Vineeta. I live for Tuesdays. My most precious day of the week. The day before chemo. My "best" day.
My new hobbies are an attempt to fill my days with something more than Comcast on Demand. It's a work in progress.
I restarted this blog at the persistence of Barak, the urging of Sarah and the interest of Patrick (or at least his friend Kyle who read my blog before). Although the title and the description have changed, I'm not going to change the URL. As much as the name is reminiscent of a film starring a young girl named Debbie, it's important to me to keep the integrity of my travels in tact.
Love to you all!
Catherine
